Thursday, July 20, 2006

Reviewing the rules of the road...

For those of you who have forgotten, here is a review of the rules of the road:
  • When the light turns red, stop.
  • When changing lanes, check your blind spot.
  • Keep your hands on the wheel. On the highway is not the time to refill your coffee mug from the thermas that you brought (I actually saw this on hwy 44 this morning).
  • When a lane is closed, do not speed around the other drivers patiently waiting to get thru, only to cut into their lane in front of them.
  • At a stop sign, you must not only stop, but also let any cars already stopped at the intersection take their turns.


gimlet said...

Revised rules for different parts of town:

City of St. Louis:

Red does not mean stop to the first four vehicles, or anyone going 20mph over the limit.

Additionally, vehicles stolen from St. Louis County may be driven within city limits.

Creve Coeur:

On a two-lane road, passing on the right shoulder to get around a vehicle stopped to make a lefthand turn is not only legal, but required.

Manchester/Ballwin area:

Anyone not driving an SUV or minivan is subject to a fine. Furthermore, points will be assessed if the driver is not using a cellphone while operating the vehicle.

Des Peres:

When nearly causing an accident by running a stop sign/light, or cutting someone off, you must curse and flip off the person you almost hit.

Rock Hill:

Drivers may be ticketed for being within 15mph of the posted limit.

Bel Nor, Bel Ridge:

Vehicles displaying valid UMSL parking stickers may be cited.


Only BMWs, Porsches, and Mercedes vehicles may be operated on public streets. All others may be subject to fine, towing, or sneering.


Pickup trucks driven by females are required to have at least one cowgirl-themed bumper sticker.

Merc Man said...

Rules for North County:

Car stereo volume is to be inversely proportional to vehicle speed. The slower your car is travelling, the louder your stereo must be. Doubly so if parked.

Old Lincolns, Cadillacs, and Ford Tempos shall maintain right-of-way. Any vehicle with more than two (2) undamaged fenders will yield to aforementioned cars or risk contact.

During hot weather months, deodorant, shampoo, and taste in clothing is optional, especially if more than 20% of vehicle operator's body is covered by tatoos.

All cigarette butts, beer cans, fast-food wrappers, drug paraphernalia, and potential evidence shall be tossed from vehicle, preferably when traversing residential areas.

Police vehicles may NOT render assistance to any disabled civilian conveyances, especially at times approaching shift change.

Merc Man said...

Rules specifically for St. Ann:

Car stereo rule for North County remains in effect, with addendum that music selection must contain a minimum 75% "salsa flavor".

All light-to-medium duty trucks with extended/double cabs must maintain at least a 10-to-1 passenger-to-driver ratio.

All previously mentioned trucks must have at least one (1) ladder rack mounted, with at least one (1) unsecured ladder.

All previously mentioned trucks shall tow one (1) trailer with at least three (3) lawn care accessories loosely secured. Ditto gas cans.

All vehicles will have at least (1) mismatched tire, preferably used, preferably contrasting whitewall/blackwall to other tires mounted on vehicle.

Drivers shall maintain a blood-alcohol level at least 1 1/2 times legal limit. Limit is waived if sufficient level of THC is maintained at all times.

Vehicles may park on ANY unimproved surface not occupied by pedestrians "sleeping it off".